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Armenbz.com Jokes
Title: Santa & Science

ENGINEERS TAKE THE FUN OUT OF CHRISTMAS

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim,Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378million
(according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)
rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,
presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to
west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child,
Santa has around 1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out,
jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining
presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him,
get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next
house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly
distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false,
but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now
talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million
miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's
sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of
sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the
Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a
conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two
pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting
Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than
300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times
the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of
them -- Santa would need 360,000 of them.

This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh,
another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650
miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up
the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the
earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would
burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind
them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second,
or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not
that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,000 g's.

A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to
the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly
crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of
pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

This joke is from the collection at www.armenianbusinesses.com/features/jokes

joke number 43 Current Rating 10

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