In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very
white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements
that come in contact with it. Repels protons and
electrons; attracts only morons.
Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess
magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain't.
Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion
and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you
do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The
charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for
calculating it.
Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
lethal concentrations in the House.
Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
Snot Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy. This joke is from the collection at www.armenianbusinesses.com/features/jokes
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